We took Charlie home last night. And she was doing pretty well and we were super hungry, so we stopped at Tumbleweed to eat. There was about a 15 minute wait and it was nice out so we sat outside. Ian went to find out what happened to his buddy's music store that closed down and they called us right then, of course. The hostess waited patiently while I suctioned Charlie and waited for Ian to get back. She asked me how old she was, what her name was, and of course, in a very polite way, asked me about her condition. When people are polite and genuinely curious, I'll answer every question they have and ramble on and on about things. I'm proud of my kid and all she deals with. And I brag to anyone who will listen. She asked if I knew before she was born if she'd have CP and I said, "Oh, no, usually this type of thing doesn't happen until the birth." And I realize then that this poor girl is about 6-7 month pregnant. Whoops.
Her eyes got really wide and I explained that Charlie didn't show any signs of distress and we didn't know there was any indication for a c-section and usually they can do a c-section and try to get the baby out in time. I'm rambling, trying to figure out how to ease this lady's fears. I know I scared her. But at the same time, shouldn't all women know this is a possibility when they have a baby? A healthy dose of fear can be a good thing. You can have all the prenatal testing known to man done with the intention to abort if they find something wrong, but that doesn't guarantee a healthy baby. Hell, you can have a healthy baby and later almost lose them to a vaccine reaction or choking on a cracker (yes, both of these things have happened to real people) and wind up with a permanently disabled child. There's no guarantees. And so I just kept rambling. Yeah, she's probably all freaked out now. I feel a little bad, but maybe she'll also see that disabled or not, kids are wonderful and will warmly welcome whatever type of baby she gets.
And if you are pregnant and talk to me about my kid, I might not take your feelings into consideration while telling our story. It's nothing personal, honestly. I'm so immune to the feelings that most people feel when discussing this topic, that I say some of the most blunt, insensitive things without thinking. It's just so ....*normal* for me. I forget that such serious medical problems and disabilities are unnerving to other people.
About Me
Adrian, age 6
2 weeks old
Almost ready to go home!
7 weeks
Car seat test
Sleeping babes...
December '07
Remember when her hair never wanted to lay flat?
3 months (and being examined by Dr. Adrian)
Sleep study
Little smile, before she really got the hang of it!
8 months
With my teddy
1 year
Look at that smile!
Bathtime!
Still rear-facing at 2 1/2 years!
3 years old!
Just hanging out in the yard
Hamming it up!
4 Years Old!
With my birthday balloon
Swinging with Mom!
3 comments:
LOL...I have to constantly censor myself about pregnancy/childbirth experiences with friends and family. I don't want to scare them too badly!
...then there is the infant stage stuff to scare them about!Just the other day I was discussing co-sleeping with a friend who has a 2-month old.Of course I told her about the time I "lost" my 14 year old in the middle of the bed, under the covers...
I don't think that people really "get" that it can happen to them or their child until it actually does, honestly. It's just a part of human nature, I suppose, a defense mechanism or something. People want to believe that if they do x, y, and z, they're guaranteed a healthy baby.
I remember shortly after Riley was born some nurse said something like "gee, it's a good thing she wasn't your first kid, or you never would have had another." I think it's a sad way of looking at life. No one wants their children to suffer or struggle, but it happens, and it doesn't make their life worthless.
People are always shocked when I tell them my daughter had a massive stroke while still in the womb. Most people don't realize that's even possible.
but what is better... not knowing what can happen and having no clue that these are obstacles that parents successfully overcome and continue through with love and a lot of patience.... or thinking everything is hearts and flowers as long as the tests say it is and then get shocked and wondering how it could have happened when you should be focusing on the positives??
I know for me, when I was on bedrest with Damian, all I did was watch pregnancy/birth shows and look up weird stuff that can happen... all it did was kind of calm me down... because the fact is, whether it's something like what happened to Charlie or whatever I was reading about, the facts were always that, statistically, the odds were in a baby's favor...
When Damian was born and I ended up having that emergency c-section after distress and all, it honestly didn't scare me as much as most would expect... but that's because I'd seen and read so much about it and far worse/more challenging stuff and knew that we'd come out at the other end (most likely) just fine.
It has been anything but hearts and flowers a good bit of the time... but I think that's true of all parenting.
You've pointed out so many times that while one child maybe is more demanding and/or time consuming in one way, another child may be in another, or the stress will be there but for a different reason.
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